


You Didn't Have to Cut Me Off (because I have snaps)

by embroiderama



Category: Glee, Magic Mike (2012)
Genre: Acting, Crack, Crossover, Gen, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 02:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/450070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embroiderama/pseuds/embroiderama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cooper doesn't realize it at first, but being in Xquisite is the BEST acting job EVER.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Didn't Have to Cut Me Off (because I have snaps)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired (instigated?) by the [Magic Mike Kink Meme](http://rabidchild67.livejournal.com/127669.html) with some specifics stolen from [](http://epeeblade.livejournal.com/profile)[**epeeblade**](http://epeeblade.livejournal.com/) and [](http://rabidchild67.livejournal.com/profile)[**rabidchild67**](http://rabidchild67.livejournal.com/). IDEK, man. IDEK.

Cooper Anderson isn't sure if his new acting job is the best stepping stone to starring in CW network dramas, but it's paying his rent at a mid-price extended stay motel in Tampa and his iPhone bill so he reminds himself that there are no small roles. In fact, in this particular project, there aren't even any small actors. For a certain definition of small. Nobody's made any disparaging comments about needing to take in his sparkly thong, so he thinks he's doing just fine.

Before leaving home each day, Cooper makes sure that no part of his body needs re-waxing and then back-stage he focuses his breath and spins in an emotional tornado because even in Tampa there could be producers or casting directors in the audience and every performance is a new chance to impress. After all, as much as he's made a career of television acting, this is _the theatre_.

The best thing about working with Xquisite is that he gets practice playing so many different characters: a sailor, a soldier, a doctor, a cowboy and more. He gets himself into the headspace for each character, figures out how each of them stands and walks, how each one thrusts his hips and whips off his pants. Each one is distinct, unique, and if his acting teacher could see him now she'd be so proud. He's grateful to his movement teacher too because he'd never expected that all those days rolling around on the floor moaning would have such practical applications.

Dallas challenged them all to create new routines, and Cooper was thrilled to be able to flex his well-honed creative muscles. He wanted to create a dance that would really express his true self and also allow him to point a lot. The ladies in the audience really like it when he points at them because pointing is the way they know he means business--dramatic, exciting, five-dollar lap-dancing business. The song he chose is the one that calls to his soul, reminding him of his time at William McKinley High School.

"Somebody I Used to Know" gives him the sense memory of all those scantily clad teenage girls to insulate him from the reality of the middle aged women who make up the bulk of his audience. Thoughts of his little brother, of the deep, deep guilt he feels for what he now realizes was the abject cruelty of dangling a Ken doll over Blaine's head and calling him a pipsqueak, keep his emotional tornado spinning as he struts across the stage. He's chosen the stage name Ken to remind him of the way he truly did screw over his little brother during the turmoil of his own early-teen years.

As Gotye reminds him that he didn't have to stoop so low, Cooper does a full body roll before dropping it like it's hot and then arching his ass in the air. He thinks sometimes about going back to Lima and spending more time with Blaine and his dad and stepmother, but where in Lima would he have this kind of acting opportunity? Where in Lima would he have any chance whatsoever of being spotted by a casting agent for CSI: Miami? Where in Lima would he find a blonde with incredibly huge tits to pretend to be his wife when they were both rolling on ecstasy?

As the song ends, Cooper writhes on his belly, stripped down to just his favorite sparkly thong, then stands up and embodies a panther as he slips off the stage to the waning sound of Gotye's voice. The more he thinks about it, he realizes that while Manhattan is a smoggy gray pit of despair and LA is full of so-called producers who really just want him to be a cater waiter at their intimate parties, Florida is the promised land. Dallas will be taking them all to Miami soon, and if he doesn't get a spot lounging on a beach chair in that new Jeffrey Dean Morgan show his name isn't Cooper Anderson.


End file.
